English
EspañolBecause I love you, I want you to be strong. Not faint-hearted or cowardly. Brave and capable of triumph; mature enough to give yourself and love others, not just be a person needy of love.
Wise parents do not lock their children in a glass bell to protect them from difficult circumstances and never engage in combat. On the contrary, they give them weapons to defend themselves. They teach them how to use them. They allow them to succeed.
Text
“What is most important is the ability lovingly to help them grow in freedom, maturity, overall discipline and real autonomy. Only in this way will children come to possess the wherewithal needed to fend for themselves and to act intelligently and prudently whenever they meet with difficulties. The real question, then, is not where our children are physically, or whom they are with at any given time, but rather where they are existentially, where they stand in terms of their convictions, goals, desires ad dreams.” (The Joy of Love, n.261)
Commentary
I would like to share with you the experience and comments of my friend Carmen. She tells me the following:
“I thought I was right to warn my children about difficult situations that could arise in their lives; however, when I imagined my children as warriors fighting against those difficulties, I realized that I was merely presenting those situations to them, describing them, telling them to be careful. Through this attitude, I was protecting them in a limited way, just giving them a shield.”
“One thing is the theory – the shield – and another the concrete means – the weapons – so that they could face those situations. I had to provide them with both: the shield and the weapons. I had to give them concrete examples of how to use the weapons, give them examples of answers, of firm attitudes, even if sometimes it seemed to them that the whole world was against them, even if they had to be blunt.”
“Besides, I cultivated with love, naturalness, and freedom, a foundational trust so that they would tell us, their father and me, how they had done at school, at meetings, at The University, about their friends, to have a complete picture. Happily, they understood; they learned to use the shield and the weapons.”
