English
EspañolThe one who loves does not invade, does not run over, does not coerce, and does not suffocate the beloved. The lover enjoys letting the beloved be who they are and helping him develop his best version—those who love one another respect each other´s space and time.
Text
“The deeper love is, the more it calls for respect for the other’s freedom and the ability to wait until the other opens the door to his or her heart.” (The Joy of Love, n.99)
Commentary
Conjugal love is the most intimate and profound love. Freedom and gratuitousness surround this love. What does that mean? That love – the intimate and authentic gift of a person – cannot be obtained by force, by violence, or utilizing gold and silver. He who loves does not inflate himself, nor does he seek to dominate and subdue. The bigger person is humble, serves, understands, cares, and protects when it comes to love.
In family life, there is no room for domination over the others. Why? Because the strongest person does not govern a healthy family, nor is power determined by the usefulness or advantage one can gain over the other. These are false “families” where the weak or useless – such as children, the sick, and the old – are burdens they reject. The laws of love govern the true family. That is why, in good families, we are worth it all, even when we are stripped of everything. In a good family, we experience an unconditional embrace for the sole reason of being who we are: the spouse, father, mother, child, sibling, grandparent, grandchild.
What have my mistakes, shortcomings, and inexperience taught me?
That kindness, making a daily effort not to act rudely, being polite to each other, maintaining a good environment, instead of being pathetic and dramatic about anything is the essential food for love life.
We should not skimp but rather abound in gestures and words of encouragement that comfort, strengthen, console, and stimulate. The joy of loving, adequately understood, is not superficially euphoric, perhaps even hypocritical and false. It is about deep inner joy, which propels us to give and embrace each other as spouses in any circumstance, including moments of worry, fatigue, and routines. This constant atmosphere of kindness allows us to respect the freedom, opportune moments, and the time and space our loved ones need. Moreover, it allows us to wait, without impatience and abuse, for the other to be, by his own desition, ready to open his heart to us.
