English
EspañolThe more intimate and profound love is, the more it respects freedom, time, and space that the beloved needs to open up and reciprocate.
Text
“To love is also to be gentle and thoughtful, and this is conveyed by the next word, aschemonéi. It indicates that love is not rude or impolite; it is not harsh. Its actions, words and gestures are pleasing and not abrasive or rigid. Love abhors making others suffer. Courtesy “is a school of sensitivity and disinterestedness” which requires a person “to develop his or her mind and feelings, learning how to listen, to speak and, at certain times, to keep quiet.” It is not something that a Christian may accept or reject. As an essential requirement of love, “every human being is bound to live agreeably with those around him.” Every day, “entering into the life of another, even when that person already has a part to play in our life, demands the sensitivity and restraint which can renew trust and respect. Indeed, the deeper love is, the more it calls for respect for the other’s freedom and the ability to wait until the other opens the door to his or her heart.” (The Joy of Love, n.99)
Commentary
He who loves waits and is patient with the correspondence of his beloved. He gives himself unconditionally but carefully waits for the loved one to open their heart. This requires being attentive to the other person, looking at the world through their gaze and intimately living each of our beloved´s moods. This entails letting them be themselves with their time and space, understanding them, listening, and kindly remaining silent out of love.
An intense and profound experience is presented to us when one of the spouses becomes ill and requires special care. The sick loved one especially expects our love. They hope the healthy spouse will tenderly accompany them, without keeping count of the time invested in their recovery, without getting impatient, without aggressiveness, knowing how to put himself in the sick person´s position, with its limitations, pain, and tiredness. In these moments of life, there is an invitation for both spouses to experience, first-hand, that they are both that one flesh that Genesis announces, that affective bonding that conjugal tenderness allows their union to live.
