English
EspañolThe most thrilling manifestation of love is tenderness. The warmth of its kindness. The light of its truth.
Text
Against this backdrop of love so central to the Christian experience of marriage and the family, another virtue stands out, one often overlooked in our world of frenetic and superficial relationships. It is tenderness. Let us consider the moving words of Psalm 131. As in other biblical texts (e.g., Ex 4:22; Is 49:15; Ps 27:10), the union between the Lord and his faithful ones is expressed in terms of parental love. Here we see a delicate and tender intimacy between mother and child: the image is that of a babe sleeping in his mother’s arms after being nursed. As the Hebrew word gamûl suggests, the infant is now fed and clings to his mother, who takes him to her bosom. There is a closeness that is conscious and not simply biological. Drawing on this image, the Psalmist sings: “I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a child quieted at its mother’s breast” (Ps 131:2). We can also think of the touching words that the prophet Hosea puts on God’s lips: “When Israel was a child, I loved him… I took them up in my arms… I led them with cords of compassion, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them” (Hos 11:1, 3-4).” (The Joy of Love, n.28)
Commentary
Tenderness stems from the intimacy shared between two people, not the outside world. And it comes forth when those who love each other manifest the softness of their souls through their bodies.
Tenderness has different dimensions according to the type of love that fuels it, be it conjugal, filial, fraternal, etc. Each love shares and communicates a specific and distinct dimension of one´s intimacy within a family. We see this when family members kiss, hug and smile. Some hugs are shared between spouses; other hugs, equally filled with love, are shared between parents and children, siblings, grandparents, and grandchildren.
Regarding conjugal love, tenderness manifests the warm care, appreciation, respect, admiration, and even contemplation of the spouses – their beauty and attractiveness – through their bodies. As years go by, tenderness, in its conjugal dimension, enriches and deepens marital intimacy. Tenderness enables a marriage to go beyond the physical aspect of the spouses and be more than a “collection” of birthdays spent together. For tenderness is the warm and sweet manner in which the personal spirit that each of us is, manifests as a lover and beloved, through our whole body, as man or woman.
This is why veteran spouses who love each other contemplate one another so tenderly. They look at each other with the gaze of gazes, hold hands, smile at one another, or accompany each other through a silence filled with peace, trust, and tenderness. Sometimes, they cannot put into words the love they feel and share.
