English
EspañolI have discovered tenderness. It is a soft sweetness from the heart that has no measure. Each familial love has its own tenderness.
Text
“Against this backdrop of love so central to the Christian experience of marriage and the family, another virtue stands out (besides mercy and forgiveness), one often overlooked in our world of frenetic and superficial relationships. It is tenderness.” (The Joy of Love, n.28)
Commentary
Any experienced therapist is well aware that mercy, forgiveness, and tenderness are potent remedies that soothe or heal family conflicts, more so than any thoughtful therapeutic method brought from the outside world into the patient´s life. We can, without a doubt, suggest and even shed light on the path they should take. However, the road of mercy, forgiveness, and tenderness belong exclusively to the protagonists of the love story. If they are not committed, a therapist´s tenderness is all but useful.
In the text that has been quoted, Pope Francis suggests two enemies of tenderness: the frenetic and the superficial. This is a correct diagnosis. Why? Because mercy, forgiveness, and above all, tenderness flow from within and not from the outside world. They flow from a genuinely soft and tranquil heart, not from the external makeup or money that attempts to purchase everything. Not having enough time or opportunities to spend with our “loved ones” condemns us to the superficiality of relationships and the frenzy of wanting it all here and now, demanding everything, just like a fire that instantly burns everything to ashes. This frenzy generates complaints and disappointments that leave both parties with a feeling of loneliness: “you don´t understand me, you don´t know me, you don´t even listen to me”.
Tenderness is love in its purest state. It entails serenity to procure the necessary time and space to love each other kindly. It brings warmth when we create and take care of said space and time; it is peace and inner sweetness. Love that does not flow from this innerspring, that is only external wind, and is impatiently checking the time … might demand mercy, forgiveness, and tenderness here and now, at full speed and might even be rude in these demands if the other person does not quickly fulfill them. However, this love will be incapable of being merciful, forgiving, and tender.
