English
EspañolDo you love him with his defects…, or only when he is virtuous?
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“Patience takes root when I recognize that other people also have a right to live in this world, just as they are. It does not matter if they hold me back, if they unsettle my plans, or annoy me by the way they act or think, or if they are not everything I want them to be… It recognizes that these failings are a part of a bigger picture (…)The other person is much more than the sum of the little things that annoy me (…)The other person loves me as best they can, with all their limits, but the fact that love is imperfect does not mean that it is untrue or unreal (…)Love coexists with imperfection. It “bears all things” and can hold its peace before the limitations of the loved one.” (The Joy of Love, n.92 – 113)
Commentary
Reading this passage from Pope Francis, I could not help but recall what St. Josemaria used to ask young married couples or engaged couples who came to see him for advice. He would ask one first, then the other: “Do you love him? Yes, but do you love him with his defects? Because if you do not, then you do not love him….” He was not referring to any sin, but simply to those defects with which one comes into the world and does not know if they will leave with or without them—ways of being, reactions, manias, order or disorder, forgetfulness. We are not perfect, but even so, we can be loved, and we can love others as they are. With all the realism of what their imperfections are in our subjective judgment.
Moreover, the Opus Dei founder explained in an interview that we all have a bad temper and defects, but we also have many good things, and we can be loved for these. However, if you dedicate all your time only to highlighting the defects and negative traits of others, there will surely come the point when peace and affection end. If a couple wants to stay together, each will have to fight against their own defects and try to overlook the defects of others. In other words, for a life together to be possible, defects do not need to cease to exist, but there must be enough love to overcome them and accept that the other person “loves me with their limitations.” And so do I.
