English
EspañolWe are born in great need of love but not very capable of giving it. Mature love can be learned, so let yourself be taught! It will be your best investment. There is a window of time during which you can do this!
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“With the help of missionary families, the couple’s own families and a variety of pastoral resources, ways should also be found to offer a remote preparation that, by example and good advice, can help their love to grow and mature. Discussion groups and optional talks on a variety of topics of genuine interest to young people can also prove helpful.” (The Joy of Love, n.208)
Commentary
What a beautiful task is performed by the church, that of preparing young engaged couples for their married life.
My husband and I were fortunate enough to attend this type of preparation, “Encounter of engaged couples.” Although it is not enough to get a marriage off the ground, it is tremendously helpful. It was an opportunity to learn a lot and do it at the right moment!
We learned that “a wedding lasts a day and marriage lasts a lifetime,” that this option of giving one another our life in marriage implies many other decisions that need to be taken into account, such as: do I really want to dedicate my whole life to this person? How do I react to our different needs, abilities, and talents? When we hurt each other, who is always the first to ask for forgiveness? What does it mean for me to have a child? What would we do if we did not have any? Do we have possessive friends who insist on separate meetings or activities (men alone, women alone) who tend to distance us by their lifestyle? What should we do then? Are there any noticeable differences between us regarding convictions, belongings, religious practices? What housework will I be in charge of if we both work outside the home? Will it be “our” money, or will I have “mine” and you will have “yours”? And thousands of other questions that we had not taken into account until that moment.
In answering each of these questions, we could see how some couples desisted from carrying out the wedding because they did not feel ready and willing to commit to such a sacred oath and had well-founded fears that their marriage would be premature or wrong.
Painful for many, but necessary. If viewed positively, it can be seen as an intense test of love, recognizing that they were not ready for marriage or needed more time to mature in their mutual relationship. It was better to end it now than to be miserable forever.
That is why preparation for this big step is invaluable. That time is not wasted but used in the best possible way. It is an opportunity for open and sincere communication between the couple to address all those questions, no matter how crude, rude or rough they may seem; only then will we know what each one expects from the other. There is a window of time during which you can do this!
