English
EspañolThe future? Be brave. Clear-headed. Neither blind, nor cowardly, nor weak. Ask yourself: Does he or she have the personal strength and virtues to form a united and stable marriage? Does he or she have the conditions to make our children happy? Do they care the most about themselves? Do not risk destroying your life and the lives of your children. You will pay a brutal price for it.
Text
“The timely preparation of engaged couples…should also assist them to recognize eventual problems and risks. In this way, they can come to realize the wisdom of breaking off a relationship whose failure and painful aftermath can be foreseen. In their initial enchantment with one another, couples can attempt to conceal or relativize certain things and to avoid disagreements; only later do problems surface. For this reason, they should be strongly encouraged to discuss what each expects from marriage, what they understand by love and commitment, what each wants from the other and what kind of life they would like to build together.” (The Joy of Love, n.209)
Commentary
Monica and Eduardo were sweethearts for five years. Eduardo is “quite special,” according to those who know him. You cannot argue with him. He always wants to win and gets annoyed when de sees that he is incorrect. Then he insists very stubbornly; he manipulates arguments and is irritated, even violent. Any discussion ends because his friends change the subject. They already know him. When the wedding date was set, Monica´s sisters attempted to change her mind. They told her: “Monica, Eduardo is very difficult, he is not only bossy … we could call him a despot. You know he wants everyone to obey him because he is always right, and when he is not obeyed, he raises his voice. You are not going to be happy; you can still walk away.”
Monica stood her ground, thanked them, and said: “I know Eduardo extremely well, and I love him. He has flaws like anyone else, but it will be different with me; I am going to make him change.”
After two years of marriage, Monica and Eduardo have separated. They want nothing to do with each other. He only knows how to talk about her through violent insults. She has been left devastated, with deep depression and a self-esteem crisis. At least they did not have any children who would be torn be apart. They had been dating for almost five years! What happened to them? Perhaps, despite those five years, Monica refused to see Eduardo for who he indeed was. Monica did not dare leave him. She was convinced that, after the wedding, she would be able to change him. However, marriage is not a psychological sanatorium, nor is a wife, a psychiatrist, and a nurse. Monica did not think clearly. She did not consider that there is no true and good love where one party – in this case, Eduardo – is dominant, needs always to be right, and control every little detail of the other person´s life, down to how they breathe, does not tolerate any refusal to his will, and treats them as if they were his property.
To marry is not to become a servant of a master. A tyrant, irascible, prompt to mistreatment, does not love you. He subjugates and enslaves you. Furthermore, that is not love at all.
