Love renewal

Commentary

A married couple initiated in the art of loving their union and keeping its flame burning has to build their relationship´s daily dynamics as the best ones possible for the good of the spouse and the children. What they dream of is possible if they build it hand in hand!

The love between slothful people descends into routine, anodyne and its agonies. A definition of routine that is especially clear and suggestive, that fell into my hands and that I spread because I think it helps, is the following: “indifference to the other person´s ordinary things.”

I think it hits the nail on the head because, if we think about it, a large part of our life is made up of moments and circumstances that will be somewhat the same; many of them are repetitive as well (for starters, the spouse’s face at the beginning of each morning, but much more: the same office, the same commute, the family menu that creatively tries to surprise with the same dishes, the same place at the table, among many others). Maintaining the illusion and adding novelty in the face of these circumstances will require a lot of self-exploration, resilience, and lots of love.

The woman’s virtuous predisposition is a good pillar. However, facing routine is not an impossible mission for him or her. The saying goes that, for a man, it is much easier to tend to a woman than to understand her, so let us get to work on this task. On the other hand, thanks to motherhood, she is more inclined to worry about having her five senses focused on discovering and satisfying the needs of those she loves. She has to do so by prioritizing her dedication to her spouse, who has unsuspected levels of need for her. To lighten the burdens of work, try looking her best for him, and put a color quota in life is feasible, valuable, and gratifying.

However, the daily habits that stem from relationships, affection, and exchanges can and should be ennobled with subtle touches of the gala, celebration, commemoration, and joy. These are precious words when they come to life in our loved ones´ existence. This is how a friend explained it to me when she was delighted to receive, upon the return from an international exchange trip of one of her teenage sons, a special souvenir: a carved piece of wood on which the word Joy was written. Had it been worth her arduous effort to incorporate this ingredient into the home? Had it been evident to this son of hers? These were the questions that this woman-mother silently asked herself.

We can all play the role we long to see in others by bringing joy. All of us, some more or less, recognize ourselves as people in need of a positive outlook, of optimistic and encouraging phrases, of generous smiles that bring forth the extraordinary richness hidden in the ordinary.

A married couple needs to establish an order of life, not only the daily, weekly and annual agenda, but also their customs and traditions. The planning of family schedules, reserving a space for both – only for both – is a task that will minimize mutual misunderstandings and the construction of parallel lives that settle for a routine life and live it in disappointment. On the other hand, in addition to making the day-to-day life brighter, celebrating everything possible, by way of explicit recognition of the spouses’ or family’s good moments, will leave room for collaborative work, teamwork, discovering the talents and abilities of our own, complicity, sharing with the extended family and friends, bringing joy to ourselves and others.

The financial sacrifice that may come with daring to celebrate an anniversary, the children’s First Communion, birthdays, a professional achievement, the return from a prolonged absence from home of one of its members, will have been well worth it and often becomes a simple catechesis of the goodness of a marriage and a Christian family.

Among the many celebrations, let us keep in mind one that is especially within our reach: Sunday Mass. The care taken by parents to go to a space where material things inspire contemplation and recognition of those who are venerated, where families come together to teach, as if by osmosis, that piety can be lived naturally and simply, will be a good guarantee of future and grand celebrations because a family that prays together remains together.