Conjugal sacramental life

Commentary

I am surprised by a frequent and enormous error among Christian spouses about their conjugal union being in itself a sacrament. They are confused by the word “sacrament.” They interpret it as something “ecclesiastical,” “liturgical,” or “pious,” something religious that, from the outside, falls upon the conjugal, the intimate – a religious “addition” that comes from the outside world onto the intimate inside of their marital union. What a mistake!

Immersed in this confusion, if you tell them that their masculine and feminine sexual humanity is the matter of the sacrament of matrimony, that their intimate affectivity throughout the cycles of life together as the wife of this man and the husband of this woman, that is, as spouses united by love and to love each other, is the very life of the sacrament: the visible sign of the invisible grace of Jesus Christ…perhaps they will consider that you are preaching heresy. Sacramentalizing conjugal sexuality, the spouses’ bodies, the masculine and feminine affectivity between husband and wife? What a sacrilege!

It is inconceivable to them that sexuality and loving conjugal affectivity is, no more and no less, a sign of the ultimate union in the flesh and in the spirit of the love of Jesus Christ for his Church (the res non-contenta, as the theologians say). Since conjugal union, with its intimate love and affectivity, is this sign, it becomes a title that gives us the right to receive from Jesus Christ the Bridegroom himself (ex opere operato) that universe of special graces (the res contenta) that make love, union and conjugal life a path of redemption and holiness for each Christian couple individually.

In the same way, that marriage does not end at the moment of its foundation by the consent of the bride and groom but begins, so the sacrament does not end with the wedding, but is founded there, and a “sacramental” conjugal life begins. Marital consent acts as a visible foundational sign (sacramentum tantum, as theologians call it) since this wedding moment is visible and public and is even witnessed by others. However, this consent has no other meaning and purpose than to unite the bride and groom, transforming them into spouses, into this man who is his wife’s and this woman who is her man’s. This fact of being together a single intimate communion of life and love is their whole sacrament (the res et sacramentum of the theologians).

What does it mean that our intimate conjugal union, as well as bringing it to life in a loving manner, is a sacrament? That Jesus Christ himself, as the Spouse of faithful, irrevocable, life-giving love, filled with the grace of the Spirit, comes to live in each of our conjugal unions as the most intimate and omnipotent accomplice and supporter. We do not only have Jesus Christ in the home; we have Him living within our conjugal intimacy. Within the specific love and sexual affectivity of the union between man and woman.

Thus, it must be said that in the love and union of the husband for his wife and of the wife for her husband, in the daily living together, both meet Jesus Christ himself and his graces – with his power to love, with his faith and hope, with the creativity, tenderness, and affectivity of his Spirit – to transform “water into the best wine,” to turn what happens to us as spouses and parents in our daily lives – its trails, difficulties, struggles, its lights, and shadows – into redemption and holiness, for the spouses themselves and their entire family.

Because our conjugal union is a sacrament, each of our conjugal vicissitudes, however difficult they may be, have a redemptive meaning, signify Jesus Christ the Bridegroom, and contain his graces for love. For this reason, Christian married life is never a hopeless absurdity. It can, of course, experience one or several dozen crosses. So was the life of Jesus Christ. Nevertheless, his love, an intimate accomplice of ours, conquered death and rose again. In the same way, He also conquers “our deaths” and resurrects each conjugal story to life.