Children with self-governance

Commentary

An essential part of parents’ education is teaching their children “to know how to wait.” Thus, from childhood, they learn self-control at home, overcoming self-centered whims, patience with themselves and others, and much realism.

I emphasize this aspect of children´s education because, to learn how to love, both parents and children must learn the importance of being masters of themselves. Patience – allowing for the necessary time the growth of our children demands – is a manifestation of good parental love and knowing how to digest anger, bad manners, impatience, “losing one´s temper,” aggressiveness, insults, and condemnations that make one despair. If we parents, because we love them, educate our children, it is logical that we do so with the artistry and wisdom of love. To let oneself be carried away “by our demons” during the difficulties of educating is precisely that: we introduce devils in our communication and coexistence instead of love. What is the outcome? When demons are present, educating is hell.

Nowadays, given that our children and youth are undergoing a maturing stage, they tend to “want it now, right now.” They are unfamiliar with their own brakes and steering wheel, neither are they aware of the curves on the road ahead of their lives. Suppose we indulge them to rid ourselves of their insistence and stubbornness. In that case, we waste golden opportunities in our daily lives to teach them the patience and self-control that lies in knowing how to wait for the right time, be conscious of what other people need, and avoid self-absorption as well as selfish whims. Real-life does not advance at a digital speed, nor does times pass as in a movie in which after “an hour and a little more,” the whole fictional adventure has taken place and ended. Unlike us, our children are unaware that a person grows by giving the process its due time; each stage of life has its moment; being patient, reflective, and not capricious is to see reality as it truly is. Let us be honest. Let us remember our childhood: how long did it take us to learn patience?

Teaching this virtue to our children, instilling in them the ability to endure without hysterical anger, recognizing that the time to sow is not the time to reap, and freeing themselves from immediate impulses, will promote within them a profound education of the usage of their freedom. It strengthens them in the face of frustrations. For us to rid our children of difficulties, yielding to their whims rather increases their anxiety and can bring them psychological problems. An essential part of self-control, that is to say, of personal maturity is learning to use the breaks and the steering wheel. How is this taught? With our example by living daily life within our family. Our home is their school. Let us not expect our children to mature instantly, as impatient parents do at an infinite speed. Let us give them time and our example.