English
EspañolWe are made up of time. We grow little by little. Do not demand your son or daughter be an adult instantly as if traveling at infinite speed and zero time, overlooking that he or she is still a child or teenager. Do not expect to reap while you sow. Give your child time. Doing so will teach your child about love´s patience.
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“Moral education entails asking of a child or a young person only those things that do not involve a disproportionate sacrifice, and demanding only a degree of effort that will not lead to resentment or coercion. Ordinarily, this is done by proposing small steps that can be understood, accepted, and appreciated while including a proportionate sacrifice. Otherwise, by demanding too much, we gain nothing. Once the child is free of our authority, he or she may possibly cease to do good.” (The Joy of Love, n.271)
Commentary
You must have a great deal of patience. There are small steps that a child is capable of taking, but decides not to. He could but does not want to. Be patient, especially during the teenage years. It would be best to approach your children differently and still be willing to wait for as long as it takes them.
For various reasons, they sometimes do not want to “bend their will.” They will take the necessary steps when they are ready and will come across as the great people they have always been (which the parents already knew). There is a vital moment when everything fits together, the pieces “click,” and everything works (almost) perfectly.
Patience is not the resignation of the defeated. It is not the disinterest and detachment of those who no longer have faith and have replaced it with silent contempt. It is not the irritation contained on the outside but does not cease on the inside, just because showing anger “is not right.” It is not passive and silent discouragement in the face of useless efforts or ungratefulness.
Patience is the intimate posture with which those who love us – God, our parents, our siblings, our spouse – accept the moments when they must continue believing, waiting, and loving those who have not yet flourished, or born fruit, or correspond our love. Sometimes we must be patient for five minutes, on other occasions for a few months, and in some cases for years. If the loving Spirit of God inspires parents, they will appear before their children in “patience mode” for their whole life.
Whoever succeeds in being patient loves much. For he who loves well and deeply, peacefully waits – without irritation or giving up – for his loved one´s time to flourish and bear fruit. Patience, since it is love, never ceases to believe. It never gives us.
In my experience, this moment always comes sooner rather than later. We must contemplate our children from the hope of wise love, trusting in all the potential they carry inside, which is there maturing until it is ready to emerge. As the Pope has said on other occasions: “Let us not allow ourselves to be robbed of hope.”
Moreover, parents should remember their own life as children: did they not take many years to agree with their parents and behave as they were unsuccessfully taught since childhood? Is it not true that they better understood their parents when they had their own children? Well, we should add a few drops of humility to patience and hope.
