English
EspañolDo you feel your spouse loves you when they agree with you? Do you wince when they do not act as you would? Be careful…, lest you love only yourself. He who truly loves is fond of his beloved´s diversity.
Text
“Love always has an aspect of deep compassion that leads to accepting the other person as part of this world, even when he or she acts differently than I would like.” (The Joy of Love, n.92)
Commentary
I did not come to the opportunity of loving my husband and children with an empty box, a blank page. I possessed what I had inherited and lived in my family of origin. I added my own miseries, limitations, talents, and desire to love well. And, of course, my inexperience, since it was the first time I lived my life. Did the same thing not happen to you?
One of my first lessons was to accept how different my husband was from me. Realizing the value our differences had and the value of loving him just as he was. That experience helped me a lot as a mother with my daughters, for none of them were similar to me. Accepting this difference made me love them more realistically and deeply. However, that acceptance, while being very beneficial, is not easy. Why? Because, by loving their diverse personalities, you discover that you are not the standard, the measuring stick, by which others must conform. You open up instead of isolating yourself by loving their differences, and you let them be and flourish. Love then is honest communication, not an imposition of one over the other.
When it comes to love, we are always apprentices. We establish intimate and profound relationships, truly worthwhile relationships. Relationships that give us reasons to live. Relationships that significantly improve us little by little. For example, patience with ourselves and others is essential to cultivate for relationships to work. Patience helps us not to get carried away by our impulses. It frees us from offending or attacking loved ones. When we are careful in our dealings with others, we, in turn, learn not to allow ourselves to be mistreated, nor tolerate physical aggression, nor to permit others to treat us as objects. Why? Because we demand to be treated as we treat others and set an example with our behavior. Furthermore, we hold others accountable to it and ourselves, for we know the future of our love depends on relationships of kindness and mutual respect.
Being merciful is one of the highest and most necessary goals in our everyday love, for our love is developed daily. Just as we like to be shown patience, compassion for our loved ones is indispensable. This compassion consists of putting ourselves in the other person´s shoes and treating them with the tenderness we look at our own limitations and defects, giving them the opportunity we would give ourselves.
