English
EspañolDon´t think about the difficulties of loving one another as failure, but as opportunities. Don´t turn a hole into a grave. Get up and lift the other person too!
Text
“…the desire to marry and form a family remains vibrant, especially among young people” (The Joy of Love, n.1). “This Exhortation is especially timely in this Jubilee Year of Mercy first because it represents an invitation to Christian families to value the gifts of marriage and the family and to persevere in a love strengthened by the virtues of generosity, commitment, fidelity, and patience. Second, because it seeks to encourage everyone to be a sign of mercy and closeness wherever family life remains imperfect or lacks peace and joy.” (id, n.5). “It is my hope that, in reading this text, all will feel called to love and cherish family life, for “families are not a problem; they are first and foremost an opportunity.” (id, n.7).
Commentary
Don´t ever lose hope in the best part of yourself. Throughout my years consulting in family conflicts, one experience I´ve witnessed is the devastating effect that hopelessness has. The obstacles that arose from resentful pride, the profound unawareness of how egocentric one is, or the inability to acknowledge errors, missteps, and the wreckage caused, as well as so many limitations and misery surrounding us, were not the worst part. What was most toxic was surrendering to hopelessness. Let me explain. Those affected – spouses, parents, children, siblings… – had once and for all lost hope. Either because the defects of others, their own, or both seemed insurmountable, or because they attributed an ever-present destructive force to every problem, worry, trial, and misfortune that “life brought along.” They thought they couldn´t and never would withstand them, so they gave up. And it was precisely that loss of all hope, far more than the problems themselves, what had them disheartened and bitter, resigned to heartbreak. They truly believed: “that´s the way life is, this is what we have, it´s best to accept it.”
Nonetheless, there they were in my office. A faint heartbeat, an intimate desire, a longing for dawn…still hidden within them. Does something similar happen to you too? It´s imperative to raise that heartbeat and regain hope. Every night has its dawn. Wake up! Loving each other will always have its trails. Sometimes they´ll be rough; however, they hide a narrow path that leads towards a more profound and more robust, less selfish and superficial way of loving. It´s challenging to view love like this. We confuse these trials and difficulties with failure and helplessness. But we have to learn this new way of looking at life and share it with others because loving is not a solitary action of one with oneself.
An essential lesson of love is that lovers learn to not view their problems as failure but as opportunities. That is what they are. Within them, they carry the chance to know each other better, more realistically, the opportunity to understand one another, of becoming more robust and more united. They also hold within the possibility of the opposite, of tearing us apart and making us feel annoyed with one another. This is love, we either grow together, or it dies. We must learn to look with the gaze of love; the one that sees opportunity instead of failure illuminates any event we may go through while living together, especially when we share a hopeful gaze.
