English
EspañolThe “for our whole life” – the indissolubility of marriage – is a supreme gift: the complete and sincere surrender and embrace between those who love each other without reserve.
For this reason, it is not a yoke that shackles, but the seal of authenticity, except for those who do not love each other at all, for those who love themselves more than anyone else, or for those who love one another only a little bit, during one of life´s seasons.
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“The indissolubility of marriage (…) should not be viewed as a ‘yoke’ imposed on humanity, but as a ‘gift’ granted to those who are joined in marriage”. (The Joy of Love, n.62)
Commentary
The consideration of the indissolubility of marriage as a yoke is a selfish, weak, and pessimistic view. It is to judge conjugal love without considering what authentic love truly is or from a caricature version of love. Suppose we see only our comfort, our convenience. In that case, it is clear that committing ourselves to be united to another person for life is reckless and a destructive endeavor: we do not know what life may bring us and if the other person will cease to be beneficial to us. You have to love your beloved very much to commit yourself to everything their vital future will bring. Without a whole and sincere love, this definitive commitment seems to be for the “smart ones,” those who only look out for their interests and profits, a stupidity and imprudence.
However, what kind of love is that which, from the beginning, says to you: Yes, but no. Yes, but as long as you are convenient for me and do not entail unforeseen sacrifices, inconveniences, and abnegations because my satisfaction and well-being come before yours?
Why is a love like this weak and fragile? Because in the face of difficulties that entail sacrifices and renunciations to be overcome, it will give up and cease to fight.
Why is a love like this pessimistic? Because it lacks faith, trust, and hope in the power, that resides in loving one another wholly and sincerely, to conquer any future through the secret of staying together, growing together, and healing each other’s weariness, as well as forgiving one another’s wounds. In reality, a love like this does not believe in the power of true love.
He who offers this type of love does not believe in himself, either as a lover or a beloved. He does not believe because he is pessimistic, for he fears the future. He sees it with a dark halo, an uncertainty that only brings danger, risks, and unhappiness. By not believing in ourselves, we put aside, without grasping and appreciating them, the good things that the future may bring and the understanding that the unpleasant ones can be opportunities to fight and overcome them together, thus allowing other good things to come forth. And the best good thing between those who love each other, what takes precedent over the good that may come and lies beneath the bad that might occur, is to stay together, to grow together. If you prefer only yourself, you will never understand what it is to become, under our love, our union. You will be left with a lonely ego.
