English
EspañolDoes your car outlive your partner? You say you love me, but you do not want to make a public commitment. Why do we not shout to the world that we want to love each other faithfully until we die, have our children, and give them a home and family? Do we not dare because all of it or just a part is a lie? We could be suffering from automobile syndrome.
Text
“Choosing to give marriage a visible form in society by undertaking certain commitments shows how important it is. It manifests the seriousness of each person’s identification with the other and their firm decision to leave adolescent individualism behind and to belong to one another.” (The Joy of Love, n.131)
Commentary
I have heard some people say that the celebration of marriage is a mere formality, unnecessary and meaningless and that one can opt for another type of union without harming the relationship, as is the case with cohabitation and its increasing popularity.
Sometimes I think that this attitude may reflect a way of seeing love as a feeling or an emotion and that it is enough to feel good now to believe that it will last forever; as if saying, in front of other people, that we love each other and will do so for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, every day of our lives, is not necessary.
We need to understand that saying yes in public, in front of witnesses, and being open to society is not an unnecessary formality. However, instead, it manifests the firm decision and commitment to love that person forever and, therefore, to establish our union of love between the two of us.
Only feelings are not the best foundation in so far as they are fickle. Without a firm base, they come and go and leave without returning because the couple’s will was not committed to preserving them, making them grow, and restoring them from tiredness and wounds. This will is the willingness to love each other. This voluntary foundation guarantees unity in the face of emotional whims, in other words, the bond of our fidelity even when feelings and emotions do not accompany us during trials, in difficult situations, or when we have to sacrifice ourselves in favor of each other.
Not understanding or refusing this commitment – before oneself, society, and God – explains the statistical and experiential data. These relationships without commitment are highly ephemeral. These couples last much less time together than marriages, even when they cohabitate as if they were husband and wife. That is the statistic. There must be a reason for this.
