English
EspañolYour experience as a husband is valuable for other husbands. Do not conceal it. Value it. Prepare yourself as an excellent professional. By helping others, you also improve your marriage.
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“The response to the consultation also insisted on the need for training lay leaders who can assist in the pastoral care of families, with the help of teachers and counsellors, family and community physicians, social workers, juvenile and family advocates, and drawing upon the contributions of psychology, sociology, marital therapy and counselling (…)All this in no way diminishes, but rather complements, the fundamental value of spiritual direction, the rich spiritual treasures of the Church, and sacramental Reconciliation.” (The Joy of Love, n.204)
Commentary
We are not born experts. We learn to love by loving. Not on our own, as a hermit in the desert, but in the same manner in which we have learned many things in life: with the right help, example, and advice.
When I have had the opportunity to speak with married couples, I have tried to offer them this vision that Pope Francis advises: that they should be formed together as spouses and parents with people who are experts in family counseling (or, if it is the case, that they go to therapy to help them heal some aspect of their family life) and that they each have spiritual direction.
These are two distinct but equally important things, and neither can be missing. A spiritual director will not pretend to advise on couple issues, especially if he has not had the opportunity to listen to the other spouse, and many times -due to time limitations- he cannot offer a “therapy” that is prolonged in time. Such therapy is best conducted by other married people with experience and professional training, such as those mentioned by the Pope.
On the other hand, even if a family counselor talks to them about the importance of the practice of faith in the family, he or she will not guide them step by step in the development of their spiritual life, a development in which the unfolding of the life of grace that they have received in the sacraments (especially in marriage) in order for their specific sanctification as spouses and parents is at stake. This guidance will be the task of the spiritual director.
Let us hope that families genuinely understand that serious things cannot be improvised in this life. Commitment, effort, and a good guide are required in all of them.
