English
EspañolIn every crisis, a light shines through. It explains the whys and wherefores of wounds and distances. It illuminates the manner in which we can heal them. Furthermore, in the face of imminent shipwreck, that light presents you a choice between accusing or blaming others, and thus drowning together; or getting to know yourself better, correcting yourself and lending your hand, forgiving and rising together. It is hard to see yourself as you indeed are, naked of all possessions, but it makes you grow. If you genuinely love, you will choose to love better when faced with a crisis. However, if the one you love most is yourself, you will be shipwrecked amid bitter reproaches.
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“The life of every family is marked by all kinds of crises…Couples should be helped to realize that surmounting a crisis need not weaken their relationship; instead, it can improve, settle and mature the wine of their union…Each crisis becomes an apprenticeship in growing closer together or learning a little more about what it means to be married…Couples will gain from receiving help in facing crises, meeting challenges and acknowledging them as part of family life. Experienced and trained couples should be open to offering guidance, so the couples will not be unnerved by these crises or tempted to hasty decisions.” (The Joy of Love, n.232)
Commentary
I have witnessed how marriages that family and friends (even Christians!) considered “hopeless” can be fixed with the help they receive in a group or family retreat. Through dynamics, in which the spouses participate, they are guided by other couples who help them reconcile things that perhaps happened during their courtship or in the first years of marriage. If both are willing, things can be solved and crises overcome. It is worth trying and asking for the necessary help.
In every crisis, there is a specific opportunity for both spouses to get to know and love each other better, with more mature and realistic love. If one has the courage and humility to accept one’s failure, defuse reproaches and resentments towards the other, if one is willing to lend a hand again, the spouses cross the threshold towards a more profound and renewed union. This union leaves the past behind and draws lessons for the future. It is worth it, worth all the pain. That is, the self-pruning and the forgiveness.
Every veteran marriage has gone through its crises, navigated them like hard-working sailors amid storms. Some unexpected, others sought, all of them dark. At last, there they are together, much more mature and knowing each other well, radiating their union of love to their children and grandchildren. How colossal, priceless, and unparalleled is that legacy! Of course, it was worth it for them to “give birth” to their union, ever more tested and growing, with labor pains. It was not easy, but it was good. It was costly, yes, but its reward has been the tender companionship and intimate trust between loving veterans. Their love and union sustained against winds and tides delivered them from secret tragedies: loneliness, sadness, the fragmentation of lives into pieces, and emptiness.
