English
EspañolTrue love is never old-fashioned. What fades away are the latest trends in romantic relationships. At their core, our youth desires to love and be loved forever, with loyal fidelity. We, parents and grandparents, can either prove to them, through our marriage, that true love is possible and beautiful or ruin the trust, joy and hope they have in it.
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“At the risk of oversimplifying, we might say that we live in a culture which pressures young people not to start a family because they lack possibilities for the future. Yet this same culture presents others with so many options that they too are dissuaded from starting a family” [14]. In some countries, many young persons “postpone a wedding for economic reasons, work or study. Some do so for other reasons, such as the influence of ideologies which devalue marriage and family, the desire to avoid the failures of other couples, the fear of something they consider too important and sacred, the social opportunities and economic benefits associated with simply living together, a purely emotional and romantic conception of love, the fear of losing their freedom and independence, and the rejection of something conceived as purely institutional and bureaucratic” [15].
We need to find the right language, arguments and forms of witness that can help us reach the hearts of young people, appealing to their capacity for generosity, commitment, love and even heroism, and in this way inviting them to take up the challenge of marriage with enthusiasm and courage.” (The Joy of Love, n.40)
Commentary
As a The University professor, I have had the opportunity to learn what some young adults think about marriage. It may sound very familiar to the reader; perhaps it happened to them in their adolescent or college years.
What do some young adults say about marriage? Well, they repeat the typical and forceful phrase that sums it all up: “I am not getting married.” It seems like an immature, poorly thought out phrase; however, I believe they have reached this decision after much consideration. Moreover, I think that this phrase is born from first-hand experience and ultimately a fruit of fear. I say this because when you have an honest conversation with them, you realize the bigger picture behind this phrase.
In the end, what young people consider to be true regarding marriage is that “it is impossible for your husband always to be faithful to you” (this is believed by girls more than boys) or, if they feel faithfulness is possible, they discard the possibility of being happy all the time…until death do you part, “that may be true at the beginning, but not later on.”
The youth cannot come up with this out of the blue! They say it because they have witnessed it! Because some marital experiences – more or less distant – have transmitted these messages to them. This is what they hear in the media. I honestly do not blame them for thinking this way. If you were told to choose a project that is predestined to fail and will not allow you to be happy, would you choose it? I would not, neither would you or our youth for that matter. This is precisely the type of marital project they have in mind when they state: “I am not getting married.” I think their real fear doesn´t refer to the act of getting married but the type of marriage presented to them. They are saying no to that specific marriage.
What if our youth came across numerous stories of marital success? Those that are not reported by the media but certainly exist! What if our youth came across those cheerful spouses dropping their children off at school? What if they knew that those same spouses woke up at 5 a.m. to prepare their child´s lunch and were still happy? What if our youth came across 10, 20, 30, 40-year-old marriages and noticed that they treated each other with the same softness and respect they treated each other during their courtship? And, what if our youth came across wives and husbands who not only talked about difficulties but about all the beauty, goodness, and truth experienced daily in their marriage?
What would happen if our youth witnessed such living testimonies? What would happen, and what may have happened to some of us, is that there is a gradual transition from “I am not getting married” to “I want to get married because we [my spouse and I] can be happy.”
Since I became more aware of this reality, I take the opportunity to pray for my friends’ marriages so that they may be a living testimony for new generations.
All married couples have the beautiful challenge of being holy and happy in their married and family life and to bear witness. In order to found a marriage and family of their own, our youth needs to overcome sadness, hopelessness, and emptiness. They need to experience the joy of loving, the confidence, and hope that it is possible to love each other faithfully and share their struggles for life. Parents and grandparents “owe” them that testimony of life not just because we love them but because it is fair.
