English
EspañolWe cannot trust those who lie to us. When trust is lost, dark shadows take their place: suspicion, distrust, insecurity, and fears. What type of love can survive like this?
Text
“Love trusts, it sets free, it does not try to control, possess and dominate everything.” (The Joy of Love, n.115)
Commentary
I have witnessed, more than once, dominant, possessive relationships where freedom is stifled, where instead of trust, there is fear, distance, and disunity. There is also deception – and perhaps self-deception – because these attitudes of appropriation and domination often are excused in the name of love, something like “I control you because I love you.” This is a falsehood. In reality, what occurs is “I control you because you are my property because I own you.”
However, is love not a gift offered rather than an appropriation that is imposed? How can I trust someone who wants to possess me and knows only how to command, control, and subdue? Under the guise of love, there are forms of enslaving a person at one´s command. Without respect for freedom and a lack of truth, there is no trust, and without trust, it is almost impossible for a relationship to grow.
I think that trust, in any love and especially in the love of a couple, is an essential value, but I am afraid it is scarce nowadays. Trust goes hand in hand with telling the truth, and it is lost when we lie to each other. Today, we lie a lot and pretend too much to be what we are not. We must strive to be honest in all our loving relationships and leave aside even “white lies.” Lying can become a habit, a way of relating to others, a means of taking possession of or manipulating those we claim to love. We cannot get into the habit of lying to our parents or siblings at home and then be sincere, honest, and transparent with our partners.
How different are relationships where each one tells the truth and trusts the other to keep his or her word? They do everything possible to take care of the relationship. If one of them makes a mistake, if he has limitations and defects, he recognizes them, does not always justify himself by shifting the blame to the others, and does his part to make amends and improve. Where the spaces of freedom of each one are respected, where they help each other with generosity and without reproach, lays a solid and healthy relationship.
