English
EspañolDo you want to love? Open yourself up, come out of your self-absorption, and be a gift free from charge for your beloved. Do you want to be loved? Embrace him or her in the intimacy of your heart and teach them to reciprocate in the same way. If you want to love and be loved, you cannot sit and wait to be loved without moving a finger.
Text
“Saint Thomas Aquinas explains that “it is more proper to charity to desire to love than 80 to desire to be loved.” (The Joy of Love, n.102)
Commentary
In every family, there are many different kinds of love: that of spouses, parents, children, siblings, among others. When teaching how to love, perhaps you should accept that some children are fast and others slow learners; some can understand more deeply, and others have limitations. That is no excuse for you not to love them through the whole and sincere gift of yourself and embrace them.
Lucia and Mario are on vacation with some friends and rent a tiny house on the beach. Liliana, a friend, sees Lucia preparing Mario´s breakfast, coffee with milk and toast. She also sees how Lucia takes care of Mario at lunch and dinner. At the end of the day, Liliana comments to Lucia: “At the very least, I suppose you will demand that Mario pampers you just as much as you have pampered him. Lucia replies: “mmm, I do not think you know me. I tend to Mario because I love him; I do not think about taking care of him and then demand the same. I will tell you one thing, Mario also spoils me lovingly; he does not keep a tally of the nice things so he can later stick me with the bill.”
That is love; it is gratuitous because it is not bought with money. And it is free because it is not achieved through force and violence. In the bosom of a family, love seeks to care, give itself for its own sake, not only in return for something received. Love aims to care for others, even if they do not yet love us. We are not indifferent to receiving affection when we give it; we can feel when it is lacking; however, love flows freely. Due to this capacity to resist and persevere, a family can overcome difficulties and preserve itself without disintegrating despite the defects of correspondence.
Sometimes a family has a priceless treasure. It has within a person – hopefully, several of them – who keeps the fire of love alive, despite the cold winters or bad times, who “re-unites” without ceasing and without tiring, who is the meeting point between those who are distant, who is a balm for wounds, frictions, and confrontations, who is a confessional and an outlet for all.
In another sense, a person referenced the same thing during a counseling session. She told me: “I love my in-laws, my parents-in-law, and my sisters-in-law. I have welcomed them in my heart. They have mortified me many times, especially when they have conveyed that they do not consider me part of their family by their actions. That hurts me; it hurts a lot. However, I still love them. I love them for who they are and because they are the parents and sisters of the person I love the most in the world.”
