English
EspañolBeing a father and being a mother are not the same. They are not interchangeable and cannot be substituted or suppressed on-demand or on a whim. Nor can you be a father and a mother at the same time. Nor can you replace a mother with two fathers or a father with two mothers.
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“Men play an equally decisive role in family life, particularly with regard to the protection and support of their wives and children… Many men are conscious of the importance of their role in the family and live their masculinity accordingly. The absence of a father gravely affects family life and the upbringing of children and their integration into society. This absence, which may be physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual, deprives children of a suitable father figure”. (The Joy of Love, n.55)
Commentary
A few days ago, in a talk I attended at my daughters´ school, the speaker (Family Counselor and Master in Marriage and Family) made us reflect on a natural reality. A mother cannot – even if she tries – be “mother and father” to her children. In any case, she will be “doubly motherly,” she said. The speaker was not only referring to who should assume family responsibilities but above all to what the father, as a man, contributes to family life. She was referring to how the father-man assumes those responsibilities, just as the mother takes care of hers in her feminine way. In short, the mother cannot be a father because she is not a man.
I agree with the speaker´s idea, but as a lawyer, I know that this complementarity between mother and father, both different but present in their children´s education, is one of their rights. It is what they are entitled to by justice and love.
I do not say this thinking of mothers who have unwillingly been left alone, either by the death of their husbands, by abandonment, or because they cannot assume their commitments in a healthy and stable way. I exclude these circumstances, which are both harmful and unwanted. We should all “bow down” to these mothers. For them, there can only be admiration, respect, genuine support from those closest to them, and prayer. They fight alone and do not give up, even though they have a smaller “army.”
What I mentioned in the first paragraphs stems from considering the important work performed by family counselors and those who accompany couples in crisis. I think that faced with a possible decision to separate the spouses should be spoken to truthfully and helped to reflect upon their paternal-filial commitments. Children, as children, have a primary right to be born, grow and mature in a home where they are loved by their parents who also love each other. This is the profound meaning of their right to live, for not one part of human beings is purely and merely biological or material, as if only money could fix it.
