English
EspañolA deadly lie: to say that if I mistreat and abuse you, it is because I love you. Do not deceive yourself! Do not fool yourself! He who is violent mutilates intimacies and murders love.
Text
“Violence within families breeds new forms of social aggression… This is often the case with families where communication is lacking, defensive attitudes predominate, the members are not supportive of one another, family activities that encourage participation are absent, the parental relationship is frequently conflictual and violent, and relationships between parents and children are marked by hostility. Violence within the family is a breeding-ground of resentment and hatred in the most basic human relationships”. (The Joy of Love, n.51)
Commentary
When a family is a place of violence, mistreatment, and abuse, it becomes hell for its members and a toxic source for society instead of being what it should be. Do not be fooled: insults, shouting, disrespect are forms of violence and abuse! They kill intimate trust and closeness. Violence is tyranny.
Francis, referring to a text of the Mexican bishops, lists some scourges that clinical experience confirms: violent, conflictive families with hostile and unsupportive habits are the source of significant disturbances in children’s personalities and future behavior.
I advise you to reread each symptom on that list. By doing so, we will probably realize that we enjoy a family without these scourges. Better yet, we will value our family even more and be motivated to preserve that wealth since it depends on our behavior to create and develop it. Or perhaps, we may think that these symptoms are mild and sporadic in our family and conclude that these alarms are intended for other families.
Very well. But if you honestly want to improve, be truthful and humble! Are insults frequent at home? Do you use threats, punishments, fear, or even physical violence as a regular weapon to be in control? Do your children see you shouting or insulting your husband or wife? Do you yell, insult or hit your children? Do you and your spouse treat each other, whether intimately or in front of your children, with that respect and consideration that true conjugal love demands: tenderness, affability, good humor, patience, temperance of character, clear and positive intentions…? Could you lower the dose of violent, sour, domineering habits? Perhaps the habits you have are not dramatic or supreme forms of mistreatment, violence, mistrust, distrust, lack of solidarity, and resentment. Yet they do enormous damage to children, in the present and to their future. They do more harm than you can imagine.
Do not fool yourself: abuse and violence, in any form, are incompatible with love. Do not make the fatal mistake – a toxic lie – of justifying yourself with the limitations and defects of your spouse or your children, blaming them for your yelling, violence, and mistreatment. Whoever loves cares for, lifts, forgives, respects, and helps his loved ones. He does not violate them, nor does he kill their love.